Crown Problems: Hair to the Throne

The heir is losing his hair
There is nothing like the long month of August to produce the daftest of stories. Only last week one Brussels based British hack from an internationally recognised title rang me to get some background. “I am sorry about this Elaib, it’s just that my editor has asked me to find out, but... well, do you know if the Belgian Prime Minister still eats  goldfish?”

In a similar vein I am requested to write a short piece on the subject of hair loss. Precisely the hair loss in the Windsor family, or more specifically rumours that our dashingly handsome and legitimate Prince William is getting a bald patch.

“At least we, Belgians, have a crown prince with hair” I was told by the editor. Well bully for Belgium. You can keep your overwrought follicles, whilst we can keep our kingdom. I mean what would you prefer, a balding, thus testosterone rich Prince with looks inherited from Princess Diana or an hirsuit Brabantine with nary a loyal following?

A difference of two weeks
No contest really. The fuss originates, where else, from the pages of the execrable British middlebrow Daily Mail, which yesterday ran the story that William’s father, Prince Charles, recently, i.e. between July 16 and August 1, either had a weave or a hair transplant or had suddenly started to grow a much fuller head of hair on his crown. A “London Hair Transplant Clinic” even says on its website that “the hair at the front is more important than the crown” and that it can treat “patients with a ‘Prince Charles’ distribution – thick at the front but a bald crown.”

This prompted the Daily Mail to draw attention to the fact that Prince Charles was 28 when balding crown problems started, his brother Prince Edward just 21, his father Prince Philip 37, and poor Prince William just 20. The genetic odds appear to be stacked against him, as Princess Diana’s father was also thin on top.

Well, I ask you, whatever next? Maybe The Brussels Journal could commission short investigation into the underwear of Elio di Rupo, the flamboyant gay left-winger who is Belgium’s most powerful politician (and claims to have been a chemistry lecturer at the University of Leeds (UK) though he does not speak English). At least that might have political import.